 | This morning, shortly after 11:00, comedy struck. Complete Stage 1. | 5points |
 | Hello, is that the BBC? I wish to register a complaint about Complete Stage 2. | 5points |
 | ...people who constantly hold things up by complaining about Complete Stage 3. | 10points |
 | ...people who complain. It's high time something was done. Complete Stage 4. | 10points |
 | We eat ham and jam and spam a lot. Complete Stage 1 with at least 16 cans of spam. | 5points |
 | Spam bacon sausage and spam. Complete Stage 2 with at least 16 cans of spam. | 10points |
 | Have you got anything without spam? Complete Stage 3 with at least 16 cans of spam. | 10points |
 | Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Complete Stage 4 with at least 16 cans of spam. | 25points |
 | And now for something completely different. Complete the game with all 4 brain pieces. | 50points |
 | What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! Find bonus area 1-1. | 2points |
 | Here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises Find bonus area 1-2. | 2points |
 | ...to annoy censors and hopefully spark some sort of controversy Find bonus area 1-3. | 2points |
 | We serve no meat. We're not only proud, we're smug about it. Find bonus area 2-2. | 3points |
 | We interrupt this program to annoy you Find bonus area 2-3. | 2points |
 | ...and make things generally irritating. Find bonus area 2-4. | 3points |
 | I have a silly walk. I'd like a Government grant to develop it. Find bonus area 3-1. | 3points |
 | Tonight we examine the question, 'Is there a life after death?' Find bonus area 3-2. | 3points |
 | ...and here to discuss it are three dead people. Find bonus area 3-4. | 3points |
 | Apart from sanitation, education, wine, public order, roads, Find bonus area 4-1. | 3points |
 | ...and irrigation, what have the Romans ever done for us? Find bonus area 4-3. | 5points |
 | Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords Find bonus area 4-4. | 5points |
 | ...is no basis for a system of government. Find bonus area 4-5. | 5points |
 | My dog's got no nose. How does he smell? Awful. Complete the first stage with a time bonus of 456 or more. | 10points |
 | My nipples explode with delight! Lose 10 million points. | 5points |
 | Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Lose 20 million points. | 10points |
 | He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy! Lose 30 million points. | 25points |
 | Superlative knowledge of fermented curd and cheesey comestibles. Successfully prove you are not a pirate. | 1points |
 | I fart in your general direction. Find bonus area 2-1. | 2points |
 | Blessed are the cheesemakers. Find bonus area 3-3. | 3points |
 | This sounds like a job for... Bicycle Repair Man! Find bonus area 4-2. | 3points |
